I wasn't born this way

People aren't born arrogant. They don't start off self-centered or cocky.

At what age does hubris wake up, and self-doubt go to sleep?

This is a blog about my daily struggle to reacquaint myself with a seemingly lost sense of humility. The purpose? I believe that by focusing on and writing about my daily interactions and the resulting emotions, specifically excessive pride, I can change my thought processes. As such, the focus of this blog will be to document things I've said or done that have lead to me feeling superior over others, or a lost sense of humility. Essentially this blog will serve as a virtual pillory.

Broadening my horizons

Today was a good day, though i'm not sure i can attribute that to the weekend's hyper-blogging, a change in attitude, or a conscious move towards normality. Well i think that one is out as i never consciously try to be normal. That said, one of the readers (wow, i actually have people who are reading this) was concerned about where i would take this blog. I really do appreciate her concern.

I agree. One of greatest struggles of today (as i don't have kids this really was what i thought about) was deciding whether to make this public, i.e. whether to try to increase readers and subscribers through friends, family etc. The inherent problem with this, is that these postings were intended to anonymous, thereby allowing me to convey my true emotions. The were intended to be my self-defecating and self-deprecating psychological finger painting, and while stating i may not have enough to write about my personal arrogance may be somewhat of a self-fulfilling prophecy, i am choosing to expand the scope of this blog to maintain and create interest; both yours and mine!

Future ramblings will be comprised of various insights, opinions and axon-firing questions with no dendrite to receive it. Hopefully, readers will continue to comment; bad, worse or fine.

Thank you to three people who have read this far, clearly you have copious amounts of excess time. As this is my first blog, hopefully you will notice an improvement, both in quality and perspective, and eventually i may even learn not to insult those who actually read my blog! thank you.

The Setup

As this blog is about humility, it seems contrived to label myself an uneducated, socially inept troll. The truth is I'm quite normal on most continuum's. I'm happily married, relatively attractive (though there seems to be an inverse relationship between the two of those), and have a somewhat above average Q of I. I grew up in an upper-middle class society, which bred the kinds of over-inflated egos i was destined to inherit and currently battle. And, while i can't say whether i had a silver spoon or a tarnished gold fork in my mouth, i was definitely fed!

I consider myself successful. The great paradox with this blog is finding a balance between being a self-aggrandizing jerk and humbly being responsible for seeing to the success of roughly 40 individuals. How does one balance the demands of his or her subordinates and the necessity to be confident and assertive, with intrapersonal emotional conflict?

We'll see on Monday!